


Rise of the Valkyrie

by HealthDrink



Series: Under the Moon-Lit Sky (Pharmercy One-Shots) [8]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: And Akande can see through the radio, Crack Fic, Don't Ask, F/F, Hana is the narrator, Overwatch - Freeform, Pharah x Mercy - Freeform, Pistol Mercy, Pure Crack, rocket angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 13:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11922219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HealthDrink/pseuds/HealthDrink
Summary: A summary of the domestic life of in-game Fareeha and Angela before and after Mercy's buff.





	Rise of the Valkyrie

**BEFORE RE - WORK**

 

Everything was much simpler back then.

Angela was in the kitchen, listening to her favourite classical music programme on a vintage styled radio.

The radio announcer's smooth deep voice helped the surroundings have a calm, peaceful presence in the air.

_"...that was Amadeus Mozart with his beautiful masterpiece called Adiago: Allegro, String Quartet No. 19... and now, let's head a little into the future..."_

The blonde, dainty woman kept looking towards the window, out into the clear blue sky.

Soon, her beloved Fareeha will come home. Angela chopped more tomato slices with a happy, beautiful smile growing on her face.

_"...this is a musical piece made famous during the second world war, as both sides involved sang and loved this song very much..."_

In the distance, you can hear gun shoots and swearing.

"Oh shit it's Pharah-!"

Angela perked up, hearing her beloved wife kindly tell their sworn enemies how the weather forecast will be in the next twenty four hours.

**"YOU CAN RUN, YOU CAN HIDE BUT IT'S RAINING JUSTICE FOR EVERYONE-!"**

_"Run!"_

_"It burns!"_

_"I'm on fire!"_

"Am I or am I not the best meteorologist in town?  **Amari-ght**  you Talon bastards?"

That pun hurt more than all of the missiles combined, TKO'ing many Talon foot soldiers without waiting for the meter to charge at once.

**\-- [ TEAM KILL ] --**

Pharah let out a few extra fireworks in the shape of a heart, knowing well her wife was seeing her on the job somewhere.

She was right.

Angela spinned around in glee after seeing Pharah show off her guns just for her, waving back even though she cannot see her from there.

"My hero~~"

_"...we will play the classic cover of this beautiful song made by Marlene Dietrich, Lily Marlene. We dedicate this to all our esteemed and loyal listeners."_

"Oh Akande, you  _always_  know how to make my day sweeter."

The door buzzed a chimed version of Wonderwall at that moment.

 **!**  It's her!

Fixing her apron and appearance, Angela opened the door.

Pharah entered the cosy apartment, shiny armour and all. She carried a briefcase and wore a sweet black tie over her Raptora suit.

Fareeha cleaned her blue shoes off a very cute  _welcome_  matt before greeting a cheerful Angela.

"Honey, I'm home~"

A live, studio audience started cheering somewhere.

"Fareehaaa~"

The two birdwives greeted each other with a nauseatingly cute kiss, Angela lifting one of her legs up in the air.

"How was your day off?"

"Boring without you~"

"I missed you too, honey~"

Urgh. More kissing in the background.

"Is that your armour or are you just  **happy**  to see me?"

 _Urgh._  Mams! LIKE, COOL IT OR SOMETHING.

"Oh!" Fareeha removed her helmet. "Sorry about that."

"I didn't..." Angela shook her head, smiling at how innocent her bird wife was.

_I **really** need to fix that-_

"Oh!" Fareeha brought out a bunch of flowers and chocolates straight from the briefcase. Fingers that held the responsibility of many lives cupped snow white cheeks heating up instantly. "Are those for me...?"

_Nevermind, she's too adorab-_

**No fucking duh, mam.**

Angela took a deep breath, worrying Fareeha a little.

"Excuse me dear."

"Of course sweetheart."

Angela walked off set to poke Hannah square onto her forehead wait what-

"Ouch! You almost made me drop the script-!"

" _Language_ , my dear.  _Language_. You'll scare poor Lucio off if you keep talking like that."

"I'll say and do whatever I want, mam!"

And my name is NOT Hannah.

 _Who wrote this_.

Angela made the sign of the cross, pointing towards the ceiling. "One day, Jeff. One day..." She returned back to her beloved, who prepared her a nice cup of tea (and cleaned up after her) whilst Mercy disciplined their ruff on the edges ~~tyrant~~  daughter.

**NEVAR. I WILL NEVER BE TAMED!**

... Odd.

I have a very strange feeling I should behave from now on.

Angela started playing with Fareeha's loosened tie. "I think you noticed that the dining room was locked."

"Actually, I was just about to ask you," Fareeha was happy that Angela sipped the tea with happy noises and flowers around her. "Why is it locked?"

Angela lowered her finished mug, pulling Fareeha into her-  _uurgh_ , face. "Because I prepared dinner, Faree. Just for the two of us."

If Fareeha had a wolf's tail, it would be wagging non stop. Angela started removing the tie, abet _very_ slowly. "And if you make me really, _really_ happy, which I know you will..." Angela leaned into the Egyptian's ear, whispering the next words as sultry as possible.

" _You can leave your helmet on tonight._ "

( ***kiss*** ) **MERCY** **\- ELIMINATED - PHARAH**  (- **50** **0** )

Hana stared blankly towards the director's chair. " _You_  wrote this. What is  _wrong_  with you?"

The director lifted her hands up in defeat. "Touche, cherie."

Angela took the box of (expensive, very Swiss) chocolates from the wife right then, taking advantage of TKOing Fareeha out of existence with that single sentence. She can be so delightfully silly sometim-

"Oh! How silly of me. I forgot to take out the trash-"

"Allow me."

Ever the valiant hero, Fareeha grabbed the two trash bins to take them outside.

"Be careful dear, there are still many enemies outside-"

"I can take care of them."

"Don't forget to close the dooor~"

Fareeha, true to her word, did take care of any daring Talon solider who attacked doing her down time.

Angela patched her up with some plasters and many kisses.

"We can't even take out the trash in peace... Winston and I have to do something about this."

"Don't worry, as long as I'm here, you have nothing to worry about."

Fareeha smoothly twirled her wife, making her lean down on her strong, sturdy, **dependable** arms. "Give me some sugar, baby~"

"Oh Fareeha~"

As blue and yellow hearts ushered to the tune of Lily Marlene, Hana kept staring at the cigar chomping Frenchwoman in pure disbelief.

"Art, foolish child. Art in _pure motion_."

 

**AFTER RE-WORK**

 

It was Fareeha's day off.

She was in the kitchen, listening to Angela's favourite classical music programme on a vintage styled radio.

The radio announcer's deep smooth voice did nothing to improve the surroundings, the calm hinting towards a big storm approaching.

The black haired, well built woman kept looking towards the window, out into the twilight red sky.

Soon, her dearest Angela will come home. Fareeha chopped a few more cheese slices with a small smile on her face.

_"...that was The Innocence of Caroline Crale, composed by Christopher Gunning, most famously used for an Agatha Christie episode of the critically acclaimed BBC TV show Poirot, starring David Sachet. And now, let's travel back into the distant past..."_

In the distance, you can hear an inhuman shriek echoing all throughout the area. Even Fareeha could hear it despite being far from the battlefield. The apartment trembled a little, but Fareeha was there to pick up a stray vase in the air.

Her hands itched for a fight, wanting to join her bird wife into the skies. But... she promised Angela that she'll rest a bit.

_No buts. Doctor's orders, my love~_

"Oh shit it's Mercy-!"

How on earth did she manage to snag Angela away? Fareeha felt very lucky.

**"SHIT IT'S MERCY-! SHE'S ULTING HER ASS OFF-!"**

Fareeha still perked up, hearing her beloved wife kindly tell their sworn enemies how to  **GO FUCK THEMSELVES.**

**"HEROES NEVER DIE-!"**

_"Run!"_

_"I'm melting-!"_

_"I'm on fucking fire-!"_

"J-jou can use m-my line however jou vish."

"Cheers mate, the cavallry's her-  **oh my god**."

"Run! Run before she gets you too!" A Talon employee screeched towards the Overwatch members. "It's a bloodbath! A bloo-"

One clean headshot from the skies.

As Lena and Zayra waved (very nervously) towards a very pissed off Mercy, Zayra said out loud what was on everyone's mind:

"Thank Putin she's on  **our**  side."

_"...now, come with me back to 1856, as Richard Wagner completes his most famous and most beautiful piece of music called... The Rise of the Valkryie. Enjoy."_

"Man Akande. It's almost like you can see me or something. That is VERY appropriate right now."

_"...I do my best..."_

That made Fareeha stop at wiping the dishes.

Nah, she thought as she resumed her duty. Must've imagined it.

"Please! S-show some mercy! I'm sorry for making fun of you last time-!"

Pharah looked outside of the window, hoping to sneak a view of her bird wife from their nest.

**"NO MERCY."**

"B-but I thought you abhored violen-"

**"NO MERCY!"**

**\- BOOM -**

Oh that is HARDCORE mam!

Seriously kill me now, I'll never be as badass as  _ulting twenty Talon bastards at once_!

Besides he deserved to die for using that word alone. Who uses the word  **abhored**  anymore? Pretentious priiiick.

**"CRUSH-! KILL-! DESTROY-!"**

"We're so sorr-aaaaaaaaargh!"

"I NEED HEAL-"

**"FUCK OFF."**
    
    
    "Gomennasai."

Isn't that right Phar-Fareeha?

Fareeha pouted towards the window, a single, solitary tear falling down her tanned cheek.

**"DOWN DOWN, TO YOUR KNEES. BOW BEFORE HER MAJESTY-!"**

"Where is Pharah?? Her missiles didn't hurt this _**muuuuch**_ -!!"

_"...I gotta say... your girlfriend is packing heat, dawwwwwwg..."_

That made Fareeha burst out crying.

"S-she... she doesn't need me anymoreeeeeee...! Aaaaaarh-!!"

Oh crud. I'm sorry mama number two, I didn't mean-

At that precise moment, Mercy blasted her way back to her beloved zero suited wife because WHAT ARE DOORS FOR.

**\-- ANGELIC ENTRY --**

**"HONEY I'M HOME. WHERE IS MY KISS-"**

She noticed Fareeha was crying.

"A-Angela! Welcome home, ama-"

Angela was so fast she _literally teleported offscreen_.  **"Who did this. Why are you crying. Who has to die tonight?"**

"No-noone! I'm okay hon-"

**"No. You are not okay. Tell me now Fareeha-li. Or not even Ana will recognise Reaper _the next time I see him_."**

"Magnifique~" Le director golf clapped towards Mercy's performance.

Fareeha took a deep breath, praying to all her ancestors she was not making a mistake. In her inner space, Fareeha saw a veteran sniper sipping her tea under a pine oak tree. The tree had a twenty year old heart on it, complete with an arrow sticking out with the words  _Pharmercy forever_  engraved and a little newer note underneath.

_I'm you but stronger. Also yeeeeeess~_

"Don't look at me, habibti. She's your girlfriend. Your problem. You solve it on your own like I taught you."

**FUCK.**

Here goes.

"Okay amar. Could you, umm..." she pointed towards Mercy's ulting state. "Calm down a notch? Just a little."

Mercy lessened her battle aura, her tied up hair going from silver to blonde.

"I'm only doing this because you told me. Now..." Sparks started flying around Mercy and her staff. " **Why. were. you. crying**."

Fareeha looked down to the floor. "I... I love the fact that you can fly with me now... we can hold hands in the sky like that... but, with all of your upgrades...and sweet new ult, gotta admit..." She played around her apron's bow a little, the words - **You'll Never Be as Cool as Mei** \- imprinted on it. (It was a gift, from pun lover to pun lover) "Maybe... you can win this war without the help of anyone else..." Fareeha looked down to her hands.

"...Or me."

 **That** made Mercy control her power bursts.

"Oh Fareeha..." Angela leaned up to kiss her puppy whining solider. "Is that what was worrying you this whole time?"

The whining increased a little, knowing it would earn Fareeha a few more reassuring caresses from her blonde haired waifu.

"I still need you."

Slowly bopping Fareeha's nose, the Egyptian closed her eyes tenderly, leaning into Angela with an enthusiastic foot pop, sparks and all.

**\- awwwwww -**

The sad, lowered (and fluffy) wolf tail belonging to the Egyptian resumed wagging non stop.

"Oh, almost forgot. I gotta take out the trash."

"Honey, no, I'm here, I can help-"

"You silly bean. I didn't mean the trash  _bins_. Besides..." Angela gave a quick peck to Fareeha's immaculately glossed lips. "You already took care of that."

The music playing Wagner's famous theatrical piece raised its volume to the max all by itself. Fareeha ran straight towards the open window, a big goofy grin growing on her face. Mercy flew back into the battlefield through the... err... open door? Can you say that?

The director nodded.

Through the apartment's  _collapsing, gaping entrance_ , then.

**"OH MY GOD SHE'S BACK!"**

"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"I ALWAYS LOVED YOU PETE-!"

"SHUSH! I ALWAYS KNEWWWWWW-!"

A crude, sharp battle cry was heard straight from the skies, the opera music from the radio continued blasting Wagner at full volume.

**"DIE SCUM! DIE YOU WORMS!"**

Die can also stand for The in German. The moar you know.

The super awesome narrator started playing the theme of Amazing Grace with her trusted kazoo in memory of the fallen who suffered through an ulting Mercy's wrath.

**\-- [ TEAM KILL ] --**

_"...sheeeeeeet."_

Fareeha sighed happily as her wife ( **soon** ) became player of the game  **with a vengeance**.

As Angela high fived Winston and the Jeff in the sky (who the fuck is Jeff?) she returned back home with a determined smile on her face.

"I'm so glad you got the payload dar **-liiiing**!"

The still ulting Mercy grabbed Pharah from behind and carried her bridal style.

**"YOU. ME. BED. NOW."**

Fareeha couldn't help but tease her incredibly pissed off (but still very attractive) puffed up dove. She was so  _cute_  when she was angry.

"What about the door?"

_**"I'D LOVE TO SEE THEM TRY."** _

"Fair enough."

Many sparks flew around Mercy's wings as Fareeha gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

Letting out a girly sigh, Fareeha looked aside, holding two hands next to her heart.

"You may know how to fly now, but I'll always be taller than you."

**"SHUT UP AND LOVE ME."**

"Y-yes my dear."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally was going to be a note on Tumblr before it... evolved.
> 
> Alternative title to this story is: what happens if your loved one became Godzilla overnight?
> 
> Please rate and review. Hope you like it!
> 
> Pssst, if anyone recognises the specific rock song where the Majesty line comes from, I'll give them a cookie~


End file.
